things that make me happy

1. making friends

2. southern accents

3. sunny days

4. clean sheets

5. talking about my research to people who are fascinated by the same stuff

6. learning about brains

7. yoga

gratitude

in the spirit of the changing seasons, our yoga teacher encouraged us today to pick a quality we'd like to cultivate in ourselves this spring. 

i picked gratitude.

i am struggling to be grateful for this past winter, but most of the gratitude i feel is for its end. 

for many months, i have tolerated and suffered and muscled my way through my life. 

i've psyched myself up to go to my classes. a year ago, i would've given my right arm to be admitted to my program.

i've forced myself to eat, an activity i used to associate with friends, family, and pleasure. 

i've browbeat myself into attending yoga classes, cycling, running - activities i used to attack with zeal.

i've merely tolerated the many of the people around me, vigilantly minding my manners and keeping my negativity to myself. i used to delight in the company of others. 

i've muscled through writing, dreading sitting down at my computer and barely completing assignments on time. and i love to write. 

what happened here? of course the answer is more complicated than i'd like it to be, and i may never know the exact chain of events (internal and external) that made me feel so removed from joy, so challenged by my life, so fearful and alone. 

but i think i know a piece of the solution.

gratitude. 

i am grateful for the opportunity to be PAID to do what i LOVE - to learn and read and write, to talk about the things that matter to me, to spend my time with others who are also committed to the pursuit of knowledge and the the improvement of our world. 

i am grateful that to starve myself is a CHOICE i make, rather than an insurmountable reality. i am grateful for the abundance of food and vow to treat it with the respect that it deserves. 

i am grateful that my body is ABLE to move. i am grateful for the time to exercise, and i am grateful for the positive impact it has on my life. to have a body is a privilege, and it deserves love, respect, and nourishment. 

i am grateful for the PEOPLE in my life, those with whom i get along and those against whom i chafe. i have much to learn from my smart, beautiful, nutty community - about the world, about them, and about myself. 

thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

happy thursday (and valentine's day!)

good morning!

thank you, universe, for a sunny and productive morning. thank you for the bounty of yummy eggs coming out of my backyard. thank you for the full day ahead.

please let me take these feelings of peace, power, and gratitude with me as i go about my day. please let me remember to surrender not to that which is unworthy of me, but to surrender only to my radiance, my integrity, and my beautiful human grace.

rules to thrive by

1. don't try to write at home.

every time i try to write at home, i procrastinate. generally by eating snacks. and the dogs bug me. and my roommates bug me. and i should do my laundry. also my room is messy. also i think i'm hungry again.

home is a sanctuary. home is a happy place. it should not be where i freak out about my inability to write coherently about feminist approaches to international relations.